6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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