when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
