He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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