Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize