Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
