Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
