I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
