There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
