What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
