dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
