Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
