I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
