On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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