people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
