i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
