It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
