Having a random hookup so left but love u
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My ass is underappreciated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
