you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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