He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
