I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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