Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
