He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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