it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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