Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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