We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize