Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
