You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I smell like Dick and happiness
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
