omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
