belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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