I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
