I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so explain again why im purple
no
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
