Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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