so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
