its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
