i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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