1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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