my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
