what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
