Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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