..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize