Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
