When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
