dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
