I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
