i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
