yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize