Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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