He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
