I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
