I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
