I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize