Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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