so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
