Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
