I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
