My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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