why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
