I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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