I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
