i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
