I just pynch a tree in the face
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
