...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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