dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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