Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs

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(541): View more from Oregon

So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display

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(720): View more from Colorado

I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?

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(707): View more from California

It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...

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(503): View more from Oregon

Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey

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