I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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