Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
