you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
