Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
