I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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