She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You made out with two different species that night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
