Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
