Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
