He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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