Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize