if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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