I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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