picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
