I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
