.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
