I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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