I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
