Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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