But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
