i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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