After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
