If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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