Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
