I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
