addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
