I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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