Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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