6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
even my farts smell like vagina
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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