so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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