I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
