cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
