she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
