Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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