Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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