I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
