I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
