Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's never too late to be topless.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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