Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
