oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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