I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His hands were made for my vagina.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
