dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think people are normalizing furries
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
