Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
