Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
