Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
