i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
