Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
