remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
