I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
