so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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