So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
