My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
